Self-reproach

The trail toward this room was bestrewn with shards of glasses.

There were traces of blood on the floor heading to this room.

Perfection Flawed Indelibly

I've always lived up to perfection particularly when I do stage acts, convey a message about homosexuality, do gardening, cleaning up my room. One perfect thing in my life that I have been treasuring too is my family. We are not damn rich but I would say I got a good decent life with understanding parents and caring siblings. But like any stage act done perfectly, unfailingly, there are people who would try their best to look for flaws. The once-perfect-thing now becomes imbrued indelibly.

Chances Are

I have been meeting a number of strangers online. And one common question they would ask me is "Do you have a girlfriend?" If not, "Do you have a wife?" "They" means both genders. No worries when a female asks the question but when a male does, I feel like swallowing my saliva because I do not know how to answer the question. (Gays know how it feels.) Generally though, I am scared to tell them the truth.

The Fun In English

We all have studied the English language--grammar, principles of composition, commonly misused phrases, etc.--since we went to school. We were taught how to introduce ourselves and to write an essay about ourselves grammatically correct. Of course, it was a process. There were errors and there were ways also that we made to correct them--we read and we practiced writing.

Don't Deal With THEM

Can you still think when all of the things that you thought to be sharing or doing are held on by one person--and you can't do anything about it because he is the "ruler?" I can but I don't want to think anymore. Tophet! Who would want to? It is just a waste of time.

Don't Give Up At Once. Persist.

"It's the same issue for us. It didn't work for us." Of course, there was no "us,"  though he courted. But nothing happened.

I have always stayed on the fact that nothing has to be brought in the present about a past unless it was a pleasant one, worth keeping.

Musings Under the Weather: Longing for the Arts

If only my body has a life on its own, independent of a brain, it would have frolicked to the beat.

Contributions of the Author to the Gay Community: A Speech "A Battle in the Face of Deviance"

Like any other day, yesterday was another ordinary day, I thought. But the day ended up with a blast.

I delivered my fourth basic speech, entitled A Battle in the Face of Deviance, for the toastmasters meeting of the Lexicon Toastmasters Club. The Lexicon Toastmasters Club is an organization established by Solvate, Inc. (the company I am working with), with the goal to help its members enhance public speaking skills through a series of speeches and speech evaluations.

Just Wired Love

INT. BEDROOM - EVENING

Cesar, 21, lanky, appealing, tan, homosexual, faces his laptop, surfs the net, checks on his Skype account, chats with a friend when an invite pops up of his screen. Cesar wears nightclothes.

Cesar

(Cesar talks to himself) Oh, something.... Who is this? lesternextdoor? Okay. Add. There, added.

What Do I Swallow and What Do I Chew

There are things in life, I mean food, and situations that we chew because we simply want them. We want to get a long-lasting taste and feel of them that we chew them, slowly taking out every little pleasure they offer. Or there are things in life that we don't give it a chance because we can't take them, we don't like them, we don't want to settle on them.

The Stories Misa de Gallo Tells

Christmas is over yet a close friend of mine suggested that I write about the myriad stories Misa de Gallo offers and tells.

Misa de Gallo or Rooster's Mass is one of the most attended masses in any Catholic churches in Asia especially here in the Philippines. It has its beginnings in the Spanish colonial period. Nine-day dawn masses starting December 16, this novena of masses is considered as the most significant Filipino Christmas tradition.

Falling For Souls I Loathe: The Theory

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love." 

A. Einsten 

"Falling in love is so hard on the knees." 

Aerosmith

I fell in love with someone who was totally the opposite of my type. Many times I ended up liking bad guys, insincere, dishonest, unreligious, unwholesome, self-willed, inimical, yes, abysmal guys. Plain and obvious, the opposite of these qualities are what I wanted for a guy to have. Why do I always fall for someone not my type? Do you feel the same sentiment? A few friends do. Why?

Ambassadorship

At times, you subconsciously bring yourself to a halt then silence then you start to recollect all the good memories you once have had in your life.

This afternoon, while browsing over my iTunes, I came across sets of videos--both edited and unedited--of my best-loved organization in college, the Silliman University Corps of Campus Ambassadors. I unearthed also some of the photos that didn't come to my sight since I saved them in my library.

Love! Valour! Compassion! (A Review)

Love, valour, compassion. These all things that matter for a homosexual like me, like you. I needed love so to get courage to battle danger (valor) and compassion or I'd rather say, care so to be moving on with life. We needed them, just a little of each of them, even if the breadth does not equal to the love, valour, and compassion we give to the ones that matter to us and even to the strangers that we find yearning for all of these.

Were the World Mine (A Review)

If each one of us, if YOU were granted one wish that will happen--if it is an event--or will be owned--if it is a material thing--in one day--that I'm certain, that it would be to get everyone kneeling down before you, praising you to the highest heavens, that everyone would fall in love with you, that it would be for you to own the world.

2010 is now

The hands of the clock run clockwise at the same speed yesterday, the other day, the other year but it seems like time is moving fast, faster than the other days. If you ask me why, I don't know what to say. I don't know why. I just feel it. Time is moving fast. March, when I graduated college was like the other month. July, when I got employed was like the other week. All of the significant events that have happened five months ago seemed to have happened a month even a week ago.

Because of this, we tend to accomplish only a few things especially when you do not double our efforts. 2009 has passed and looking back to that year, I would say that I have done a little from what I have planned before 2009 marked the calendar. Nonetheless, there were a lot of events that have occurred last year that were beyond what I expected.

Gone From Reverie

He was so real that I would rather not wake up.

Have you ever had a dream so real, so solid that you would rather sleep all day long even sleep in an eternity and lavish every good moment of that dream? I have had and it was as if I just wanted my body to sink, breathe one's last and my soul solitarily progresses, travels to a world so chimeric, beyond belief. But there was my body still sentient. I perceived sounds from the twain worlds. And see millions of hues. The other so loud. The other so bright. That they interrupted, woke me up, suspended that dream.